07-02-2018

It’s a new month.
What the fuck have I achieved in the first month this year?
Fucking nothing.

I feel like shit today.
Morning started as shit, then one of my friends on Mastodon said Hi and that brightened up my mood.
Then I went to buy milk and groceries but the store was fucking closed.

Then I went for the pickup and thought I should probably get dressed and go to the temple in the evening.
Went out and hold on! Is the back tyre of my scooter punctured?
Fuckin’ ’ell.
Dragged the damn thing through three shops only to get a temporary fix.
Didn’t bring enough money because who the fuck knew the damn thing has aged?
Have to go back tomorrow and get a new tyre.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK!
Completely ruined my fucking mood.

I went to the temple on Monday last week. Then got busy till Sunday. Thought I needed a break so that’s fine.
Went to temple on Monday this week. It drizzled a little bit in the evening. Did nice kirtana and got 2 glasses of maha milk prasadam. And of course garlands from the dieties. Whenever I do kirtana there’s a 95% likelihood that I’ll get one of the garlands. That’s cool. I’m so lucky.

Now yesterday the weather was SHIT. Cloudy most of the morning. The sun showed up a little at noon. Then the rest of the afternoon and evening was fucking cloudy.
I hate these goddamn stupid fucking shitty clouds. Where are they when it’s 40 degrees during the summer?
Ruined my fucking mood. Cloudy weather is fucking depressing. I hate it!

I know I said I would stop swearing and cussing this year. And I feel bad for not following through. But how the fuck am I supposed to keep my word when things get shitty like this?

Told you I wasn’t a good example of a nice guy. Told you not to associate me with religion or see me as some saintly guy.
I’m not cut out for this stuff.
I get pissed. I get pissed real quick when I get inconvenienced.

Sometimes I think, if maybe I had a girlfriend, maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.
Well, things aren’t really bad. But I feel lonely sometimes. Then I think maybe I should try impressing some girl and see how things go.
Both you and I know that’s some BULLSHIT!
It’s never going to work.
Women want a rich handsome action hero.
Women want nice gifts. And talking on the phone for hours about bullshit and irrelevant nonsense.
They want to go shopping and buy shit they don’t need. They want to go out for dinner and eat at some fancy restaurant 5 times a week. They want to go watch movies and partying and drinking and doing drugs and all that nonsense.

I can’t do any of those.
I’m different. I’m wired different and I’m not willing to change OR ADJUST my personality and interests to fit those criteria.
I grew up poor. I’m thankful for every single thing I was given during my childhood. The girls in my class used to pay for my stuff. I think I’ve mentioned that in my previous blogs.
Kids these days have smartphones and computers and pocket money and all the nice things. I didn’t have none of that.
When I was a kid, if you owned a bicycle, your parents were probably rich as fuck! These days kids drive around in cars and ride fancy bikes…

One hour later…

Okay. We had guests. Had to receive and sit down with them.
I lost my train of thought.
Argh!
Where was I?
Kids. You know kids these days. Vaping and biting into tide pods. Twerking like a bunch of retarded chimpanzees.
Lighting themselves on fire. Sending nudes to a dozen different guys over a period of 6 months.
Cursing and getting into catfights with their purple wigs and pink wigs.
What the fuck?

Curse words don’t suit a fine lady.
It’s a shame we have to tolerate females like that Cash me outside girl and Cardi B.
Who the fuck wants to be around such women?

Curse words don’t suit gentlemen either.
I don’t usually curse in real life unless the situation warrants it. And even then, never around strangers.
I’m posting this online on my site which is nowhere on the radar.
If my site and profile were getting millions of views, I’d be very careful what kind of content I put out everyday.
Self-censorship? Yes sir!
My website and social media reflect my thoughts and opinions on various subject matters. A lot of them are personal. Some of my rants channel my frustration and anger on stuff that pisses me off.
But if I found people actually following and looking up to me, I’d have to change all that.
I’m not an influencer. I’m not.
Just a regular nobody drifting through life.

I come from very humble beginnings. And now, it’s my lifestyle.
I could wear fancy suits and be something big with some donkey work and ass kissing. But what’s the fucking point?
I’m not a show-off. I’m very simple.
I’ve never eaten at a fancy restaurant. Haven’t been to a movie theatre in almost two decades. I don’t have a classy wardrobe. I don’t have a dozen pairs of sneakers.
I don’t have them because I don’t want them.

Women want a classy dude. Gold chains and gold rings and rolex watch or Apple watch, suits and shiny shoes, a Tesla, preferrably an electric, a nice mansion or fancy apartment, and all that privileged rich guy stuff.
I don’t have those.
I hear some women say they don’t want anything except love.
BULLSHIT!
If you ever hear a woman say that, she’s either a delusional young simpleton or a divorced 45 year old with 3 cats and extreme sex drive.
Delusional simpleton because things are about to change. The moment you get into a serious relationship.
They say they don’t want any of your money or cars or jewellery but when you get into a relationship, the demands start coming.
Then you’re fucking trapped. Probably with a psychopath ’cause she won’t let you go but tie you up with some fucking obligations and make you her slave.

I’m scared of women. They come in all sorts. But they have one thing in common: They’ll make you fucking cry. Not today, but one day.

So yeah. Sometimes, I’d like to be in a relationship. But then, I think. I think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. Use my intelligence.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that unless that woman shares my personality traits and interests, a relationship is impossible.
There is no use in trying. I know some people hook up to try things out. It doesn’t work that way. They’re damaging themselves.

I think I could expand on a lot of points but I’m hungry.
Maybe some other day.

Okay! Dinner time.
Sambusas.