3 - On Marriage

It’s 15th Jan 2018.
I’ve been on a streak watching TLC couples documentaries.
Almost every other couple is focused on the wedding.
Like, how could they be so short-sighted?
I’m not married. I’ve only attended one wedding ceremony in my life. That was so many years ago, I don’t even remember much now.

Wedding to me, is a single day event. Yes, it has to be beautiful, well-planned and ceremonious. But that shouldn’t be the focus when you meet someone you’ve been talking to online.
I’m not even going to talk about relationships in this episode. I’ve transcended that platform.
Before you plan the pompous wedding, can you come to grips with reality and figure out if you’re looking at the right person for marriage?

Love is a foolish thing. It really is. It blinds your intelligence.
Lust, is even worse.
You can’t think straight when your genitals are making your decisions for you.
I saw this plastic faced Russian girl with this chubby guy. She said he told her he had lots of money so she replied.
It was painful just watching them together. She was in it clearly for the money and the opulent life. He was in it for the sex. And, he wasn’t rich. He was an average guy.
There was absolutely no love between them whatsoever. I’ve never cringed more.
Who thought this was a good idea?
“What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship?”
“Money? Wha-?”
“I said love. Are you deaf?”

P.S. Did some research. Turned out this chick was some camgirl and that’s how they really met.
So you meet some camgirl and fall in love with her.
Message her but she won’t reply until you tell her you have lots of money.
That’s the bait. Money.
So she comes to the US all the way from Russia. Mentions how important money is to her. You still think she loves you so you get married.

I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and marriages. But I think if you’re considering marriage, have a relationship first. Marriage is a relationship, but without the formalities and niceties.
Of course I’m speaking from a modern perspective. From the scriptural injunction, there are no premarital relationships. It’s arranged marriages for everyone. At a young age too.

What kind of person gets married that doesn’t know how to cook?
Yeah, right. This gender equality thing has really messed up people’s priorities.
What do you plan to eat? Will you be going out every single day? You want McDonald’s everyday? That’s not healthy.
Am I wrong here?
I get it. Men should know how to cook too. This ‘women in the kitchen’ phrase is outdated and old fashioned.
I’m not a cook. If I were to get married, I’d expect my wife to be able to make some basic dishes for everyday meals.
Is that too much to ask? I don’t expect her to be a masterchef queen of the kitchen.
I know a few things about cooking. I know a thing or two. But I’ve never been deep into cooking. Like that’s not my thing. But if I got into it, I think I’d make a good chef.
I’m very detailed. I remember the little things.
I’m also not a big dealer. If there’s no salt or less pepper or whatever, I’ll eat without complaints.

So I watched an episode where this fat chick tells the guy she doesn’t cook.
And the look of disbelief on his face had me cracking.
She had a kid. Whenever this guy tried to help with the baby she’d shut him off.
Very rude in my opinion. Why do some women think men don’t know how to handle kids? We’re human too. We have paternal instincts.

One of the couples was a white guy and a girl from Colombia.
The guy lives with his conservative family. And the look in the eyes of the mother was pure hatred.
So the girl wanted them to live separately.
I agree with that.
In general, I don’t think it’s a good idea for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to live together. That spells disastrous. It’s like dropping a chunk of sodium in water.
Women hate women. That’s the reality of things. It’s in a woman’s nature to be envious. I know that sounds sexist. But it’s the truth.
If there are any female readers on this site, don’t be offended.

When in Rome…
I think a lot of women forget that there are still millions of conservative families out there. When in doubt, dress formally. Preferably with no visible sexy parts.
If you’re meeting your Fiance’s family for the first time, you don’t want to look like some gold-digging hooker who’s baiting their son.
How am I still suggesting this to a marriageable audience?
It should be common sense. Dressing up in flashy fashionable clothes to flaunt your style and expensive taste in clothes and jewellery isn’t necessary.
I’m a casual type of guy. Personally, I’d show up in jeans and t-shirt on every occasion. Very minimalistic. That’s not super cool I guess. But if I had a wife or fiancee, she could pick out my outfits; no problem.

Age differences; I don’t care much.
But what if you’re a 58 year old man dating a 19 year old girl. Is that okay?
When your daughter’s older than the girl you’re dating, well, too much cringe.
Then there’s this 31 one year old man who only dates women over 60. So 70, 80, 90!
Every time he goes out he brings some granny home and he has sex with them.
Think about that for a second.
When he’s 50, I don’t know if he’ll start defiling corpses of people’s grandmas or straight up dig up the graves of the dead and do the nasty with them.
You’d say that’s impossible. There’s a very fine line between normal and deranged. If you’re constantly treading that line to push the boundaries of what you can do, you will cross over without checking yourself.
Slow down every once in a while. Look back and see if your actions still fit your standards. If you’re an idiot, seek other people’s opinions. Hopefully they’re not as stupid as you are.

I think all ethnic groups prefer marrying one of their own. Marrying outside your ethnic group is highly discouraged, looked down upon.
There are several factors that merit this. You come from different backgrounds, brought up in different countries, speak different languages perhaps?, eat different foods, dress differently, pray differently… There’s just so much cultural difference.
But, love is blind. If you overlook all that, you realize that overall, we’re all humans. We have the same basic life needs. There’s not much difference. But there’s a difference. Know what I’m saying?
From the scriptural point of view, we’re all born sudras. So, unless your qualities and activities are above and beyond that, you’re no better than the next guy.

My opinion on interracial marriages is to allow them. You’re not losing much on either side. If the two people have enough matching things and are willing to adjust and coexist with their different cultures and customs, who are you to prevent that from happening?
But, is it logically possible for such a marriage to thrive and be fruitful until death?
I’ve seen many interracial couples that have borne children and grandchildren. So the answer is yes.
Is it possible for me? I’m not sure. If you straight up looked at the type of person I was, finding a woman who’d match up without making too many sacrifices is difficult.
I’m vegan, don’t eat out, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t party or club etc. Those are my basic characteristics that I couldn’t change even if I wanted to. So, if there was a woman who shared similar values, sure. Why not?

If you choose to marry outside your ethnic group, be prepared to put up with distasteful comments and looks from other people.
If you’re a soft one who easily gets offended by other people’s snarky remarks and what they think of your relationship, you’ll never be happy.
People like to lie about not being racist. Interracial marriage is a true test for that. Show them a couple and see what they really think.

Okay. Time for bed.