6 - I'm an asshole. And I'm single too.

It’s Friday, 23rd February, 2018.

I’ve been posting on this website regularly. I don’t know if anyone’s noticed. If you’re keeping track of when I last posted from my chronological blogs, you’ll be left behind.

I wanted to post this as a regular blog.
But I decided against it.
Then I thought I should title this post “Get on my level!” or, more appropriately, “Get on my level, BITCH!”
That would be too rude, wouldn’t it? Yeah. Narcissistic? Is that what people call it? I don’t know. I’m not a psychologist. Yet.
It wouldn’t be humble. Sounds very arrogant when you say that.

I’d like to think I’m a humble guy. But people probably think I’m not. They probably think I’m an… asshole.
Was taught to say please and thank you. May I? Request. Would you like? Offer. Could you…? Now that’s more demanding. Bossy.
I also bow my head slightly when saying thank you. It’s a subconscious thing. I’m aware that I’m doing it. But I’m not forcing it. And I’m not mimicking the Japanese people.
Japanese people - very humble.

Went to the temple yesterday. Didn’t go on Tuesday and Wednesday. Burnout.
I like to do things because I want to do them and enjoy the process. I don’t make it a task. If you make it a task, you’ll get bored quickly and lose interest. What’s the use of doing something if you’re forcing yourself to complete it? No fun.
I didn’t do kirtana. Apparently everyone was doing some sort of japa meditation marathon in the hall.
Sat in Lord Jagannatha’s temple room. Then one of the regular attendee’s asked me to chill outside with him.
There are a bunch of benches outside the temple, where pilgrims can sit for a while, eat prasadam, relax.
I never sit there. I don’t hang around in the temple. I go, attend aartis, kirtanas, lectures, prasadam on some occasions, then I’m out.
I don’t sit with devotees or the regular congregation members and talk. I don’t make friends. I don’t interact much with them.
Some of the senior devotees handling some management duties and newcomers are very controlling.
Oooh shieeet! Here comes the icy spicy stuff!
No drama. Just the facts.
It’s good to have some senior devotee guide you and keep in touch with during the devotional process. They’ll help you stay focused and not give up, or fall down.
But, I’ve noticed everyone has groups now. People only attend kirtanas when their favorite senior guy is singing, or lectures if their man is speaking, or do service that their leader gives them.
This creates tension. Favoritism and groupism doesn’t work with me. Neither does politics and quarrels.
I’m an independent guy. Know why? I go to the temple to pray, have some peace of mind, and forget all my problems.
I think that’s why everyone goes to temples and churches too.
But somehow, they get diverted from the main goal and get involved in all the drama and partisan bullshit.
What are you doing, nigga?

A lot of people associate temples with Indians. If you read the Old Testament, you’ll see mentions of the Lord’s temple. And The Lord’s altar. Sacrifice for the Lord. These have already been mentioned in the Vedas. Temples have existed in the history of many other cultures. If people weren’t such ignorant motherfuckers, they’d know.
But Indians are famous for going to temples. It’s part of their tradition. And so, they became entitled to that word.
The Hare Krsnas are perhaps the only religious organization that openly welcome and accept people from all races and origins. That’s why, if you look at the modern Hare Krsna history, dating back a few decades ago, you’ll notice many of the predominant Sannyasis - the top tier devotees, are Caucasian. You won’t find white monks dominating any other Eastern religious organization.
The Hare Krsnas have all sorts of people - Blacks, Whites, Chinese, Japanese, Russians, Mexicans etc. I like the diversity.
The problem is, like any other Eastern religion (and I say Eastern religion in the general sense), they have a lot of Indians pilgrims, visitors, congregation.

The older generation of Indians have generally been stuck-up judgemental cunts.
Kindly note, I’m not referring to Indians as in the Native American Indians. I’m speaking of the Indians from India, and their generations abroad.
“Oh my goodness! I can’t believe he said that!”
Keep crying, whiny.
The new generation of Indians, the millenials, are more open-minded, accepting, and understanding.
They’ve grown up in different times. They have access to the outside world. They’re educated. They know what’s going on in the real world. And more importantly, they’re not all stuck in some tiny little bubble.

When I go to the temple, I never sit on the benches outside. As soon as I’m out, I wear my shoes and get going.
You know why?
Because there’s a bunch of old ass losers sitting outside, watching. That’s all they do. They observe people, think the worst of them, and spread false rumors.
Gossiping about strangers doesn’t suit people who are on the verge of death.
You’re in the temple, but instead of focusing on the Lord and his thoughts, you’re busy looking at others, what they’re doing, and imagining things in your silly head.
If you’re as smart as you think you are, rusty old faggot, you’d be reading the scriptures and focusing on God.
See? I’m pissed now.
Just thinking about some of these stupid shit that people do makes me angry.

“Oh! Look! He’s sitting alone! What is he looking at? Is he looking at that girl? Is he thinking about girls? Is he thinking about that ass because I’m an ugly ass old fag who’s also thinking bout dat ass?”
Motherfucker why do you care about what others are looking at? Mind your own damn business. You’re in the temple; pray and get the fuck out! Don’t play detective ’cause you’ve got nothing better to do.

They’re wasting time.
If you go to the temple, church, or mosque, and stare at women, and have dirty thoughts, that’s between you and the Lord. God can see your ass. He’ll deal with you.
Stay clean-headed and pure whilst in the presence of God.
This is common sense. People don’t need to be told that. And others don’t need to be policing that.

Does this sort of shit happen in churches and mosques? I don’t know. The church has stopped to such a low level, they’ve got people twerking and shit. What the fuck?

It’s not just Indians. The Chinese do it too. They’re very quiet people. But they’re judging you silently.
It’s an Asian thing. To watch people, judge them, think like shit and spread rumors.
Is it a cultural thing? Ingrained from birth to think they’re morally superior to everyone else? To waste time thinking lowly of others?

Last week I think, I mentioned that someone sneaked into the temple room while we were doing kirtana, shut the amplifier off and ran away. It happened twice. On two different occasions.
Why? Do they think we’re singing to impress women who visit the temple?
I think that’s what they think. A brahmacari told me I like doing kirtanas because there are women who come and sit in the temple and people praise me and so on. It boosts my ego.
That’s not true. I like to participate in kirtanas because I like music. Music is my thing. I play mrdanga, i play karatalas, I lead sometimes and I’m always happy to follow. I’ve never once, asked to lead the kirtana myself. I only do it when there’s no one else to lead, or if I’m asked to lead.
There are women and men who sometimes sit in the temple when we do kirtanas. So what?

People are petty-minded. They always choose to think the worst of you even if you don’t do anything wrong.

And I’m not a religious nutjob. I’m not a moral fag. I’m not the moral police.
I don’t care what others do irl. I never gave a shit. I do my thing and get out. That’s all. I’ve never gotten involved with others.
And you can see why. You get the idea of what kind of society we live in.
I don’t think I’m superior to anyone. I know my flaws. I curse when I’m angry. And I don’t always use the best language when discussing issues.

I don’t discuss my opinions with others irl. Neither do I push my opinions on others online.
But the internet gives me space to voice my thoughts and opinions on everything. I can do it in my own space and people won’t think I’m retarded or some shit.
If I was just talking to myself or blabbering nonsense to myself all day, people would recommend a psychiatrist.
Then again, people may think I’m retarded for having a certain opinion. Who cares?

I don’t just live in my own bubble. I’m very friendly both irl and online. But I don’t usually approach people. I leave that option to them. If they think I’m an interesting guy, they’ll want to talk to me.
I’ve got a lot of things going on. Many interests. Many opinions. But it doesn’t come all at once. If you bring up the topic, I may have something to say. I think I mentioned religion and tech in the about me section on this site. But if you’ve followed me online, you’ll see that it’s more than just that. I talk about politics, relationships, food, the news, and so on.

Two days ago, I spent all my online time interacting with others on Reddit. For a change. Just to get to know what other people do and think and what’s going on in their lives.
There was a post from some doctor who’s wife was cheating on him online in a sub-dom relationship with her master.
And I said if it happened to me, it’d be over.
Some guy replied something on the lines of “You’re an asshole! And probably single too.”
I had to laugh.

You know, I see a lot of miserable people every single day. Both online and offline. People are lonely. People are sad, depressed, suicidal.
It’s a trend. Look around you. You’ll notice it too.
You know what’s lacking? Love.
I’ve talked about love in the past. Go find it.
We’re all looking for love. Men, and women. People want to be loved. They want to be cared for. They want to be appreciated. And some, are so miserable, they’ll go for anything, anyone, as long as it’s human.

I’d been feeling a little too lonely the past few nights. Mostly happened at night because during the day I’d have other things to distract me. When you’re busy, it doesn’t cross your mind often. But when you’re alone, bored, laying in bed, the thought does cross your head.
Wish you had someone to cuddle with.
This is what being human is. We all have feelings. Sometimes it gets to us.

But my time on Reddit quickly cleared my feelings again. It’s like laying in confusion and suddenly someone jolts you awake.
I’ve talked about love and being single.
When I think of all the problems and tension I could face in a relationship, I’m okay with being single.
Not to mention all the crazy bitches I might run into instead of some nice intelligent girl.
I don’t have time for that shit.

If there’s a nice lady interested in me, I leave it to her to approach me.
We live in a gender equality era. I’d like to exercise my equality to be safe from rejection, wasting my time approaching uninterested women, and generally, to conserve my energy.
So yes, if a relationship is possible, I’m okay with it. If not, it’s cool. I won’t die from the lack of it.
I know how to love and to take care of a lady. But I’ve reached a point in life where I’m not desperate. I won’t settle for just any woman. I’ve set some standards. She’ll have to meet the minimum for us to get into a relationship and consider marriage.

If you look at the current state of marriages and relationships, what kind of woman would possibly pursue her desired lover when she’s been flocked by a bunch of horny men everywhere?
I’ve studied relationships and I’ve studied women.
Women want to be approached. They’re not willing to initiate anything from their side. And why would they, anyway?
Even the most miserable, lonely women aren’t willing to start a conversation. They’ll sit online and cry about how lonely and pathetic their lives are. But they won’t talk to any guy that doesn’t message them first.
Ego problems. We’re dealing with massive egos. Where people think they’re so much better than others, that they won’t even help themselves.

I’ve set standards for myself. I’ve worked hard to be the kind of person I would want to be with, whilst staying logical and normally acceptable.
At this stage in my life, do you expect me to start lining up after women to see who will accept me into her life?
This sounds very egotistic, but how bout YOU get to my level?
I’m not willing to be humble to the point where women treat me like some pathetic little shit. No thanks. I’ve got enough going on in my life. If you think you’re so special, good luck with your Mr Charming or 10 cats.

I’m all for equality and fair treatment. But when it comes to dating and general friendships, I think women have an upper hand and greater leverage than men.
Women have more choices, they have more admirers, they have options.
That’s why they don’t see the need to approach any guy. They’ve got a dozen thirsty men following them around like faithful dogs. Why bend over for someone else?

And this problem is now affecting a lot of marriages and relationships in the modern era. Everyone’s connected online. When their boyfriends/husbands are at work, trying to earn money to pay bills and put food on the table, these idle-minded ladies will flaunt themselves and waste time online.
And then they realize that there’s so many men online who’re willing to offer her the love and companionship that her husband doesn’t.
Or it could be at work. He’s working. She’s working. She meets someone nice at work who buys her flowers and gifts. Pretty soon, she’s fucking him in his office while the poor hubby is unaware.
Again, this could go both ways. But I’m putting the emphasis on women because.

To think this could happen to anyone is scary. Technology is nice. But it’s given people too much freedom/options that’s on a really unhealthy level.
Again, there’s dildos and sex dolls and all these things that women can get for cheap.
What the fuck?
And you hear women say “Who needs a man…?”
I’m just rambling on at this point. Phew! This has gotten longer than I intended.

Okay! Time for lunch.